Can borderlines find love

Having BPD is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis.

Can borderlines find love

After spending the last 40 plus years listening to my clients talk about their love lives, I realized an interesting fact: Most people choose romantic partners who are their approximate equals with regard to understanding how to sustain intimacy.

This is similar to what went on when we were in elementary school.

Can borderlines find love

The teachers sorted us into reading groups. Not everyone in the group had the exact same problems with reading, but everyone was more-or-less at the same level with regard to reading skills.

Relationships require skills as well, such as learning how to negotiate differences, communicate, forgive each other after fighting, and so on. I have found that people tend to unconsciously sort themselves into groups with regard to their level of intimacy skills.

Very few people choose partners that are more than a half step above or below them with regard to their ability to maintain a successful relationship. If someone is too far above us in their grasp of Intimacy skills, they are likely to find us boring and difficult. If they are too far below us, we are likely to be uninterested in them for the same reasons.

This capacity is normally developed during early childhood through copying your parents and, most importantly, through being seen realistically and accepted and loved for who you are by your parents, despite your imperfections. This capacity can be acquired later if the person is sufficiently motivated and has appropriate psychotherapy.

In both cases, they also temporarily forget all the past history associated with the side that is now out of awareness. As both of these views are overly extreme and inaccurate, they are inherently unstable and sometimes can rapidly shift back and forth in the course of a day.

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

The ability to maintain a sense of emotional connection to someone who is no longer present. This includes the ability to recall his or her face and other significant features that you associate with the person. Without this, the person is literally: Out of sight and out of mind.

This means that the lack of both is a defining feature of the current intimacy skill group of people with personality disorders. No disrespect is intended. In my opinion, people are not Borderlines or Narcissists; this is the name for their current pattern of being in relationships and their approach to life.

Narcissists and Borderlines Form Intense, Quick Attachments Narcissists and Borderline individuals also have something else in common that makes them likely to choose each other: They tend to do this for different reasons: Many people with Borderline adaptations live for love.

They use connecting to someone as a remedy for feelings of emptiness, restlessness, and loneliness.A conflict-capable partner with a sound sense of self-esteem, firmly confronting him/her who would be able to handle the threat of emotional blackmail and the withdrawal of love, would be much more beneficial to the borderline patient.

Narcissistic and Borderline individuals can fall in love, but they are likely to expect such very different things out of the relationship that the relationship is unlikely to be successful for.

Many people ask if Borderlines have the capacity to love, and this appears to be a very central concern during the course of these relationships--and afterward, when the discarded partner needs to cling to the ideation that they were in fact, truly loved.

Can borderlines find love

Those suffering with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have a proclivity for unstable interpersonal relationships. These individuals are unable to tolerate being alone due to their abandonment anxiety. They also experience severe anger and frequently undermine their significant others.

Learn What You Can About Borderline Personality Disorder. If you're going to enter into a relationship with someone with BPD, learn what you can about the illness. is an excellent resource with pages ranging from the symptoms of BPD to types of treatment to information about medication. Knowledge is power, and the more that you know, the more you'll be able to prepare for the highs and .

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness affecting approximately % of adults in the U.S. Symptoms — usually beginning in adolescence and early adulthood — include emotional.

BPD and Romantic Relationships: If You Really Loved Me | HealthyPlace